why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
