ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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