saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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