Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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