Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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