im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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