i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
