I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
