u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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