Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm passing your future prison.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
