Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
