mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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