...so i touched it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
