eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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