Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he thought i was a dude.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
