He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
