the new term for farting is butt boxing.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
