The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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