the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
