We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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