actually, I'm a sock model
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
