What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
