i'm signing you up for texting rehab
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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