You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
