I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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