I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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