I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
