look no pants
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
