it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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