He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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