I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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