Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
