You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i think i have herpe
just one?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
