i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
People in love make me want to vomit
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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