i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
