My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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