Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
