what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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