He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
