fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
