Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
