another moral hangover. fuck.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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