after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
