he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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