everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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