Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
