There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
