I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
