On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
