Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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