Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
God, you're like boner-b-gone
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
