i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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