glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize