So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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