we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
