I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i will never coherently bang her
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She's the barista slut.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
