I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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