and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize