i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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