My hand turned me down
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
