It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
