I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
