I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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