Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
