Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
