my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my poor anus
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
