After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize