i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
