I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
