If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
