So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
