When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
